Confession: I Am Part of a Sinister Conspiracy to Destroy DC’s Live-Action Movies

I can not turn out the secret any longer . Guys , you were right . You who complained that the media was somehow prejudiced against DC movies were right . You who reckon that Marvel / Disney was yield off critics to praise their motion-picture show while bang DC ’s were right . You were always good . And now I must confess : there is a surreptitious conspiracy to destroy DC ’s live - action movies , and I have been a part of it .

I know , it ’s frightful . Sickening . Truly , I can scantily look at myself in the mirror since I take into account io9 to publish such drivel as Germain Lussier ’s Suicide Squad review article , which state “ basic ” “ flaw ” about the movie that are “ in line ” with “ pretty much every other reviewer on the major planet . ” They ’re all in on it , guys . Let ’s face it : Suicide Squad was great . It was flawless . Only a cabal unlike the the world had ever seen could maybe make such a fell , pernicious , free burning , and outstandingly consistent sour tale about the film having “ tonic ” “ problems . ” What does that even intend , anyway ? I do n’t jazz . We made it up .

As so many of you have suspected , we are indeed fund by Marvel / Disney . They dispense with no expense purchasing our opinions , and we spew hate on DC / WB film as they turn over us our checks . How else do you remember that the staff of io9 own Lamborghinis ? It ’s not like Gawker has a lot of money at the moment ! ( In all aboveboard , the fact that all of ours cars ’ license photographic plate study “ I H8 DC ” really should have been a distinctly tip - off , guys . )

Argentina’s President Javier Milei (left) and Robert F. Kennedy Jr., holding a chainsaw in a photo posted to Kennedy’s X account on May 27. 2025.

But we do n’t just do it for money . We also do it because we execrate DC and its persona so much . in person , I hate them because I grew up reading Marvel ’s comics or else of DC ’s and that was enough to make me want to ship on a secret crusade to ensure DC ’s film fail at the box billet . Others have more personal reason ; I know that Geoff Johns shorten off Katharine Trendacosta on a freeway once , and she ’s been spuriously prepare up stories about the “ insanity ” on the Suicide Squad set ever since . One staff member , who shall remain nameless , watch Dan DiDio gun down his parent in a darkened alley one night ; he — or she — swore thereafter to give his / her life to saying mean things about DC ’s films in vengeance .

I am come clean because I can not in sound sense of right and wrong pretend that WB / DC ’s pic are speculative any longer . Suicide Squad is n’t just a good movie , it ’s great . Batman v. Superman : Dawn of Justice made Captain America : Civil War front like a Mary - Kate and Ashley direct - to - VHS piece of bullshit . And Man of Steel … I loved Man of Steel , especially when Superman off that guy ! That was my favorite part ! And yet I appropriate my thoughts to be twist for large bags with money signs printed on them , with help from my own loathly pro - Marvel prejudices .

We even lower oneself so small as to make up problems for DC ’s movies to have — they were so flawless , make up flaw became our primary mode of criticize them . For instance , I ’m shocked anyone believed me when I said that Batman v Superman : Dawn of Justice had its primary scoundrel piss in a jar and then enact a remarkably complex design to get it into the hand of a US senator seconds before she was about to be murdered anyway . Or when I said how Pa Kent told young Superman that he should have allowed dozens of child , trapped in a submerged school bus , to drown . What Superman movie would have a scene so preposterous ? What movie would do such a thing ? It seems impossible to believe , and yet so many citizenry believed me and my fellow pay - off critics — too many people .

William Duplessie

I know some of you are upset by this price of admission , and to you , I can only apologize . To those of you who are mazed , because I , like many critic , have periodically raved about thing like the most recent Wonder Woman lagger , that Justice League time from Comic - Con , certain parts of BvS and Suicide Squad , a outstanding deal of DC ’s tv series , most of their liven up series , and so forth … it was all to just throw you off our track . It was a long con , and I ’m ashamed of my part of getting you to fall for it .

So from this point forth , I swear to you readers that I will only narrate the true statement about DC and Marvel ’s assorted springy - activeness film — the truth which we all know to be that DC ’s films are perfect masterpieces of superhero picture palace while Marvel ’s are mass of poopy drivel .

I do not ask forgiveness for my sins , because I do not merit them . I just need to let you all live that I can no longer take part in the enceinte dweeb confederacy since the Illuminati managed to get Joel Schumacher hired to put down the ‘ 90s Batman movie dealership from the interior . I will do my good to make up for what I have done , by making sure to never , ever , say anything big about a DC movie ever again . Even if it ’s true . Nay — especially if it ’s true .

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