Cameron Boyce.Photo: Mary Clavering/Young Hollywood/Getty Images)
With the heartbreaking news of actorCameron Boyce‘s sudden death, some parents may be left wondering how to comfort their young kids after one of their role models dies.
PEOPLE spoke toDr. Elizabeth Murray— a PEOPLE Health Squad member and pediatrician specializing in pediatric emergency medicine and child-health advocacy — about the most helpful, age-appropriate ways to talk about the young star’s death at home.
“First and foremost,dying from seizures in your sleepis incredibly rare,” Dr. Murray tells PEOPLE, referring to the 20-year-old star’s cause of death. “The concept of a younger person dying is startling to anybody because again, it’s not so common, but a child will often worry it could happen to them.”
“School-aged children are definitely aware of the concept of death and that it’s final, but they’re also at an age when they’re starting to learn andtrying to figure out their own emotions,” she says. “So for that age group specifically, checking in to see what their understanding of the situation is and what they’re thinking about it is really helpful.”
When asked whether to approach a child first or wait for him or her to come to you, Dr. Murray says it depends on the child and his or her relationship with the person who died.
“Inthe case of a beloved celebrity, you need to get to them right away so that you have a little bit of control over how the information is being shared to make sure it’s being shared in a sensitive way,” she tells PEOPLE.
It’s also common for school-aged children to “personify death,” according to theAmerican Academy of Pediatrics. They may imagine death as “the boogeyman” or a “ghost” and feel guilty about what happened, the organization says.
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Dr. Murray suggests reassuring your children so they knowBoyce’s manner of deathwas extremely rare, and to remind them that they are loved and supported.
“You need to take what facts you know and say we don’t have all of the information behind his death because it’s personal to his family, but we do knowthat he had a medical problemthat he was dealing with,” she says. “And despite everyone’s best efforts, this is what happened, but it doesn’t mean that every time you get sick you can die.”
“What happened to Cameron Boyce is still very rare and we all feel very sad, but we don’t anticipate or worry about the same thing happening to you or your siblings,” Dr. Murray explains.
After a discussion, keeping a routineand letting your child speak upwhen he or she is ready is a healthy way to help them through the grieving process.
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“A lot of times, if a child is playing or doing a quiet activity, their minds can wander and that’s often a time where they might start reflecting and thinking of more questions,” Dr. Murray says. “I would keep their routine and periodically check in to askif they have been thinking about what happenedlately or want to talk about it more.”
School-age children don’t always process things as quickly as adults, so it’s also important to be mindful of their experience while taking care of yourself as well.
“As an adult, it can feel like a bigger tragedy when a young person passes away because they were just starting their life, so the news can hit us harder,” Dr. Murray explains. “So we need to make sure that we also take care of ourselves and process our own grief so we can be there for our children.”
“It’s important to model that type of behaviorand to say it’s okay togrieve so they understand that yes, we loved that person and we can honor their memory.”
source: people.com
