Scarlett Lewis.Photo: Terryleecafferty.com
Resilience, compassion and empathy are powerful tools in the battle against school shootings, according to Sandy Hook mom Scarlett Lewis.
“Kids who are well-adjusted, look forward to school, have good friend groups and can manage their emotions are not going to want to harm themselves or other people,” Lewis tells PEOPLE.
Traits like understanding and adaptability, along with strong coping skills, are as effective, if not more effective, than security measures such as active shooter drills and metal detectors, says Lewis, whose 6-year-old son, Jesse, was killed in the 2012Sandy Hook Elementary Schoolshooting in Newtown, Conn.
courtesy Scarlett Lewis.
“We have to address the root cause of this, which is a lack of coping skills, the ability to face difficulty in our lives and move through it in a positive way, and the failure of helping kids with real issues,” she says.
Not everyone has the skills to navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs.
Resilient, grounded kids and teens who face difficult situations and emotional pain, “know that it will pass, that it this is not who they are,” says Lewis. “They know this is not going to be forever, that not all is lost. They know they have skills and tools to help themselves, to learn from it — and then take that wisdom that they learned to help other people. That’s the formula for choosing love.”
Launched nine years ago,the free, downloadable programis now taught in all 50 states and in more than 120 countries — in schools, homes and places of employment.
In 2019, New Hampshire’s governorimplemented the curriculumas part of a statewide security plan.
The curriculum gives kids, teens and adults the tools to manage emotions, deal with adversity and enjoy healthy relationships.
It also teaches them that they have control over their lives in most situations to avoid feeling like victims, she says.
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“When you are victimized, you’re helpless,” she says. “That leads to hopelessness. And hopelessness is where kids are when they want to take their lives. A lot of times, these school shooters are suicidal.“Once people have nothing to lose and have no hope for a change within themselves or the world, they become dangerous.
“When your ‘locus of control’ is outside yourself, you can be anxious,” she says.
“How would you know that you had a choice in how you respond unless you’re given that awareness?”
Helping the Bullied
The Choosing Love formula can help anyone in any situation, such as a student who is being bullied at school.
Bullied students know from the Choose Love program that the situation won’t last forever, that they will get through the situation, and that it isn’t really even about them.
“In the Choose Love movement, people know that when others act out of anger towards somebody else — we don’t even use the word bully — that they are acting from a point of pain.”
That doesn’t excuse what they’re doing, she says, but gives more perspective into why they’re bullying others, to help them stop.
“I wish that as a society we could get to a place where we could ask ourselves, ‘Where did we fail these kids that are growing up to be mass murderers that want to shoot up their schools?'” says Lewis. “‘Why are we pointing the finger, fault finding, blaming everyone else except ourselves?’ And this has been my message since day one.”
Jesse Lewis.Courtesy Scarlett Lewis
10 Things You Can Do Today to Choose Love
Going into the 10th year following the Sandy Hook School Shooting, Lewis has 10 everyday tips for choosing love:
Think about what you’re thinking about. We have thousands of thoughts every day and these are what impact how we feel and in turn how we behave and show up in our relationships!
Take a brave breath. Take a moment to breathe in and out and come to the present moment, where life is happening.
While you’re in between what is happening and your response (the present moment), do an expansive brave pose with arms and legs wide, chin up, and a smile to help you strengthen your courage muscle.
Practice gratitude for what you have, even when things in your life might not be what you expected right now.
Step outside your own business and difficulties to help someone else. This is compassion in action. Research shows when we do this we actually help heal and strengthen ourselves. Remember that hurt people hurt people and there is always something we can do to help ease another’s pain.
Be aware of micro-moments of joy that happen each day, throughout the day. Savor them in the moment, a warm cup of coffee, conversation with a friend, the beauty of nature, as this will form a reserve to bolster you in the future.
Remember, we can’t always choose what happens to us in life, but we can take our personal power back through our thoughtful responses.
Be mindful of your locus of control. This determines whether we blame others for our situation and remain a victim, or we take responsibility for our lives. A locus of control that is outside of us can lead to helplessness and hopelessness. When our locus of control is inside of us, we feel powerful, knowing that we can determine our future.
The formula for Choosing Love = Courage + Gratitude + Forgiveness + Compassion in Action!
source: people.com
